i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
