im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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