Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude. I can hear the air.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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