just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
