Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
