Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
