Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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