I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
