You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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