It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
