I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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