This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
