"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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