:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
