Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
