there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
