i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize