it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
