The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
