o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
