well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
