So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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