I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
