the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
