She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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