I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
