"it" just moved
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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