"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize