He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
