Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
