maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
