i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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