Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize