the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
