I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
