every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
