I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
