Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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