Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
