his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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