He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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