What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Screwed.edu
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
