Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
