i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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