I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize