omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
