If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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