dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
