it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
