Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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