I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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