everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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