she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
