I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
