I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize