After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
