i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
