Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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