put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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