so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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