Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There r osticjed everywhere
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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