Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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