it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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