Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
