I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
