So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
