in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
