cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
