I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize