i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
