Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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