My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
