I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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