I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
