lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
