The best revenge is premature balding
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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