Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
