It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
