I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
