You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
