We're facebook friends in real life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He better not be in your backpack
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
