What did we do last night that was yellow?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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