the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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