Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
