Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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