I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
