their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
