i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you would pick up someone in the library
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
