Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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