So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
