Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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