I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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