i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
