stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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