But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
