That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
