i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
