you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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