she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
