I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize