There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
