I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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