Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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