So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
