I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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