Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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