I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
