just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize