She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
