I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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