Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
