I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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